Archive for the Life Category

Dreams to Remember

Posted in Life, Reflection, Uncategorized on March 9, 2009 by bbgoodess

“I’ve got dreams
Dreams to remember
I’ve got dreams
Dreams to remember”-Otis Redding

When I was younger, this song was one apart of the soulful symphony that could be heard within the walls of my mother’s house. Though this song was about love, infidelity and forgiveness, the chorus funny enough landed in my head after a series of day dreams of ideas that never came to fruition.

 I never really got back into volunteering.

Two years ago I set a goal to do some volunteering work and I have done nothing. My main excuse, I don’t want to be stuck to some desk . Its funny when I look at applications for volunteering websites, they put all my skill sets under “clerical” and really that detoures me from even applying.  I know it sounds selfish but dayum, I do that already.  I don’t desire to do clerical work on my personal time.  I desire to teach; not sit in front of a pile of paperwork and a computer screen. 

 I know most Microsoft Office applications.  When it comes to basic web browsers, I know more than the average user. I still dibble and dabble in most Adobe Products and if given time, I usually can learn the basics of most commonly used Apple and PC products. Printers, faxes, copiers, scanners, if I don’t know it I can learn about it and explain how to use it.  Overall I love technology and would love to show non technical people how they can benefit from it. Heck, if they desire to in front of computer screen all day long, teach them to profit from it.   Shoot I’d love to really be apart of a job training initiative but really I don’t see it happening because the ones I have seen are on a Mon-Fri 9-5 schedule.  Doesn’t anyone want to learn on the weekends for free?? If so I have a dream to tesch anyone who is willing to learn. 

I have dreams, dreams to remember…..

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Please excuse the negative post…

Posted in Life, Reflection on February 11, 2009 by bbgoodess

Today I have no motivation to write but I need to because there is so much on my mind. There have been a lot of changes going on in my life that seemingly I have no control over. Only thing I know I have control over is my every increasing weight and lately I have had no motivation to even deal with that.

My living situation has drastically changed since the ending of my last blog site. Hell, the world has drastically changed since I have been in blog space. During this time the economy wasn’t great but I felt financial stable and lived on my own without hesitation. I did my job and I was rewarded greatly.
Back then I thought wasn’t doing enough to better myself but set goals to counteract those thoughts. Losing weight seemed priority number one and at one time I was working out 5-6 days a week. One of my favorite goals was to spend more time with my family, especially my niece and nephews, who in part put all my dramatic antics into perspective. My inquisitive niece used to keep me on my toes. Every time she would ask me one of her complex questions, I’d be taken back by them. My nephews are my joy. Being raised around a few boys/men, I love to watch them grow and hear their perspectives on life. They all intrigue me and even had me thinking I wouldn’t mind having a little one. (Of course I would snap back into reality and remember that little ones cost money.)

I was also enjoying the joys and pains of living single. I was also lingering on a “relationship” with Dada Brown Eyes. I wrote about him a lot and soon he found out about it and started to comment “anonymously” on the posts about him. Then one day I FINALLY took Jer’s advice and washed him out of my hair. This oddly enough resulted into a relationship I was not expecting.

Now with the economy as it is, I do not feel secure as I used to. Job security, even within the various branches of government is sketchy (i.e. – California Government workers furlough) and rattles my nerves at times. My spending habits have curb tailed drastically. I am sharing a place with a relative of mine in hopes of helping me save money. (Boy was I wrong. To be continued on another blog.) I am not saving as much as I used to. When I do save money it seems another bill pops up and I dig into my savings to pay it. It seems like I am losing money on things I do not utilize as much. I bought into a vacation package that I hoped to use this year but due to financial woes, I worry I will not be able to. The gym membership is one the most wasteful right now. I even bought some lessons with a personal trainer there to keep me motivated. Unfortunately it did not.

I also have a boyfriend now, which I seem to grow fonder of each day. I never thought I’d find someone who’d make me laugh and feel as good as Dada. His energy is different from Dada’s and other men in my past. It took me a while to get use to his energy but it soothes me as apposed to causing a roller coaster ride of emotions that men in my past brought out of me. He also is seems to understand my influx of emotions lately (and hasn’t run away from them yet.) He is practically living with me and thankfully he helps alleviate some of my emotional and financial burdens that I seem to have taken on.

My family has endured a lot of changes; some good, some bad, some just frustrating, some well overdue. My nieces (there have been additions to the family) and nephews seem to be growing faster than I can see them. My inquisitive niece has found her a little playmate and doesn’t have much time to ask me the profound questions she used to, (which I am some what happy about because I don’t know how many more of those questions I could take.) I see my nephews more. Yet they seem to be more interested in my boyfriend who has become their biggest playmate and video game adversary. Though at times I do miss the one on one time with them they are truly in their element when he plays with them and I cannot ask for more than that.

Due to several reasons, some of my own doing, the pursuit of some goals have come to a halt. My weight has increased significantly. I had to decrease my freelancing gigs because I lack focus and seem to stress more than usual. My quest to find a good church home has stopped. I will be moving soon to a bigger place with my boyfriend and my relative. At times I feel like my life is in disarray and feel as if this is a permanent feeling. For right now all I can do is pray for guidance…

She’s Back…

Posted in Life, Reflection on January 29, 2009 by bbgoodess

Long ago there was a girl who loved to blog about the quirky instances that provided flair in the narritive of her life. She would bitch about her obsession with food, men, sex, the choices made from all three and her dramatic alter ego played into them. Some would say she used her blog as a way to keep situations from blowing out of proportion. She would say it just her way of avoiding psychothreapy.

In this two year stint, the more situations in life occured, the more she would blog. From the major delays cause by Washington DC’s Metro Rail to the day to day office politics back to issues with her favorite playmate, Miss Kitty. Her favorite topic would be her dealing with a person she grew to love and discovered how hard it is to love someone who doesn’t love hard in return. Those who read the blog pointed this out but as blind and deafing as love is, her ears and heart were not receptive to their opinions.

At times she put her wishes for love on the back bunner and delt with her biggest adversary, self image. Some of the opinions of readers and revelations through writing helped her fanaggle her way through some of her biggest roadblocks in life.

Some during her blogging period, life’s little enquities and self critiziting got the best of her. She thought that blogging caused some of the drama but after taking a two year hiatus she discovered that drama blog wasn’t the issue but the actual drama. Although some of the drama was at no fault of her own, while a portion was caused by the choices she made. It took a simple moment (and time to bounce on padded walls) to make her realize the decisions made was not only making the her life’s journey rocky but overshadowing her, in which she or her alter ego could not accept.

It took a couple months for her to rearrange and change some of the decisions made. She traveled and learned some new things. Love was lost and reagined. Some situations changed for the better and worse. In all, she has made the decision to do whats best for her and those who she loves.

As she reflects and keeps mentioning herself in the third person, she remembers the number one reason she started blogging in the first place and says, “I’m back bitches”